October 24, 1999 Humble Messenger
Ten Ways To Frustrate Your Children Darrell Hymel
In two parallel verses, the Bible gives its main teaching concerning the
responsibility of parents. "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring
them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph 6:4). "Fathers, do not
embitter your children, or they will become discouraged (Col 3:21). These verses describe
two extreme behavior patterns created in children by unprepared parents. Some children are
provoked by parents into outward rebellion and explosive anger, while others are pushed
into introverted discouragement and depression. The same actions by parents can cause some
children to "blow up", while others "clam up". Negligent parents cause
some children to strike back with vengeance, others to retreat in disgust and defeat.
Either response does not produce good soil for a healthy child or a happy family.
The following is a list of ways that parents either provoke their children to wrath or
discourage them. One, parents sometimes MAKE UNREASONABLE DEMANDS. God makes
allowance for his children due to age and experience (Heb 5:12-14). Parents must remember
that physical and mental ability is directly related to a child's age and experience.
Children will become frustrated when we expect results when we have not taken the time to
teach them.
In contrast, the second reason we may frustrate a child is BY NOT EXPECTING ENOUGH.
The apostle Paul knew new converts were spiritual babes, but he constantly challenged them
to new goals. A happy child is a growing child with achievable goals set before him.
Children have a natural curiosity and desire to learn that needs to be nurtured by
parents. Lazy or busy parents who use the TV, video games, or a computer as a babysitter
are asking for trouble. "A child left to himself disgraces his mother" (Prov
29:15).
A third reason parents provoke their children to wrath is BY HARSH AND CRUEL EMOTIONAL
TREATMENT. Most parents would not think of abusing their children physically, but what
about emotionally. Some parents humiliate their children by making fun of them or putting
them down. They get enough of this from their peers. The home is a "refueling
station" where their ego and self-esteem need bolstering. For every put down a child
gets, he must be praised 100 times to make up for it. The Bible says to
"nurture" children. Be positive!
INCONSISTENT DISCIPLINE is a fourth reason we have frustrated children. How can
anyone live a stable life when the rules keep changing? Children can not feel secure when
rules are not enforced consistently.
Fifth, UNDISCIPLINED PARENTS will produce undisciplined children. Discipline is
designed to build character in the child, not to show how bad our character is. Laziness,
anger, and negative words from parents will only bring failure in children. Parents must
control their anger and their tongue, take time for discipline and to listen, and not
expect a higher standard from their children than from themselves. For example, you cannot
consistently teach a 'just say no' policy to drugs when alcohol is a part of your
lifestyle.
Sixth, by NOT BEING UNITED IN DISCIPLINE parents provide an unstable environment
where children play one parent against another. One parent who is "tough" and
one who is a "push over" will not equalize each other. It will only lead to
chaos.
An act of a child which mars his character is incomparable to one which simply disturbs a
parent's convenience and leisure. Therefore, the seventh reason parents provoke their
children to wrath is BY NOT MAKING THE PUNISHMENT FIT THE CRIME. Parents need
wisdom to discern between open rebellion and a mere mistake; between genuine repentance
and simply sorrow over getting caught.
Eighth, a sure way to bring a child to despair is to SHOW FAVORITISM. Parents must
take conscious action to display a spirit of justice and fairness and constantly examine
themselves to avoid it. Yet, be aware that children will always be quick to accuse you of
partiality even though you are without guilt.
Ninth, one sure way to bring anger and destruction to a child is to give them too much. OVER
INDULGENCE will not build patience, gratitude, or self-discipline in a child. God
realized the great danger of Israel prospering too much (Deut 6:10-12). Too many parents
express a goal by saying, "my child is going to have all the things I did not
have". By giving them too much, they rob their child of self-discipline, a proper
appreciation of the value of things, and self-esteem. Self-esteem is not a function of how
much we have, but is a function of nurturing the gifts that lie within.
The tenth reason we can frustrate our children is BY SUPPRESSING AND OVERPROTECTING.
A parent's task is to nurture a child from complete dependence to a place of relative
independence. A bird that stays in the nest will never fly. Children must not learn that
our favorite word is "no". We must trust them when they have proven themselves,
and if they fail we must avoid rescuing them from inevitable consequences. We must not
separate behavior from its consequences.
----
News of Interest
Kay McCleney suffered a stroke on Friday, Oct. 15 and was in the hospital
until Tuesday, Oct. 19. She does not think she incurred any lasting disability . . . Derek
Huddleson is scheduled for outpatient surgery tomorrow to attempt to enlarge his
esophagus. The surgery on it he recently underwent left it too constricted and he has not
been able to eat solid food . . . Sally Cashion fell and broke her ankle. It is now
in a cast. She will either be staying with one of her daughters, either Maxine
Montgomery (281/362-1227)or Joyce Pieper (281/363-4919) . . . ELDERS:
The congregation has been given several weeks to suggest men whom they think would be
qualified to serve as elders. Four men have been either encouraged directly by fellow
Christians and/or their name mentioned to the elders: Doug Bernard; Boyd Hurst; Gregg
Hutson; Larry Legg. These happen to be the same four men who voluntarily indicated
their willingness to serve in this capacity. Over the next two weeks, the congregation
will be given opportunity to discuss with these men any concerns they may have about their
qualifications, or any problems with serving under them. If you have concerns, please set
up a time to talk to these men directly. After this is done, if there are any issues yet
unresolved, the elders will seek to help in a resolution of these matters. "And let
these also first be tested; then let them serve..." 1 Tim. 3:10 (NASB) . . . NEW
REPORTS: Ruben Amador; Steve Rudd; James Wilson . . . When leaving the building
on Sunday night and Wednesday night, if you exit through the back hall door or the side
auditorium door, please be sure the door shuts completely. They have been found open later
in the week . . . GOSPEL MEETINGS: Oct. 24-29, Eastside, Baytown, Chuck Durham
. . . Teachers: Please leave class room doors open after class period to allow air
circulation.
------
Singing Next Sunday Evening
(5th Sunday)
-----
Transportation for Zelma Bobbitt
‹ October ‹
Sun., 24, am - xxxxxx pm - D.
Bernard
Wed., 27, pm - Jim Crain
Sun., 31, am - xxxxxx pm -
‹ November ‹
Wed., 3, pm -
Sun.,7, am - xxxxxx pm -
Wed., 10, pm -
Sun., 14, am - xxxxxx pm -
Wed., 17, pm -
Sun., 21, am - xxxxxx pm -
Wed., 24, pm -
Sun., 28, am - xxxxxx pm -
-----
SCHEDULED TO SERVE
Wednesday, Oct. 27
Song Leader: David Osteen
Sunday AM, Oct. 31
Announcements: Kris Emerson
Song Leader:
First Prayer: Eddie Crain
Lord's Table:
Bread: Tod Aldridge
Fruit of the Vine: Mark Ary
Contribution: Johnathan Bernard
Assistant: John Knudsen
Closing Prayer: Fred Ferguson
Sunday PM, Oct. 31
Song Leader: Gary Tuttle
First Prayer: Craig Ottersbach
Lord's Table:
Bread: Bill Faulkner
Fruit of the Vine: Michael Gove
Contribution: Billy Lovell
Closing Prayer: Derek Huddleston