April 2, 2000 Humble Messenger

Humble Messenger
Volume 8, Week 14 April 2, 2000

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Building Better Families
Ten Ways To Frustrate Your Children Darrell Hymel

In two parallel verses, the Bible gives its main teaching concerning the responsibility of parents. "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph 6:4). "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged (Col 3:21). These verses describe two extreme behavior patterns created in children by unprepared parents. Some children are provoked by parents into outward rebellion and explosive anger, while others are pushed into introverted discouragement and depression. The same actions by parents can cause some children to "blow up", while others "clam up". Negligent parents cause some children to strike back with vengeance, others to retreat in disgust and defeat. Either response does not produce good soil for a healthy child or a happy family.

The following is a list of ways that parents either provoke their children to wrath or discourage them. One, parents sometimes MAKE UNREASONABLE DEMANDS. God makes allowance for his children due to age and experience (Heb 5:12-14). Parents must remember that physical and mental ability is directly related to a child's age and experience. Children will become frustrated when we expect results when we have not taken the time to teach them.

In contrast, the second reason we may frustrate a child is BY NOT EXPECTING ENOUGH. The apostle Paul knew new converts were spiritual babes, but he constantly challenged them to new goals. A happy child is a growing child with achievable goals set before him. Children have a natural curiosity and desire to learn that needs to be nurtured by parents. Lazy or busy parents who use the TV, video games, or a computer as a babysitter are asking for trouble. "A child left to himself disgraces his mother" (Prov 29:15).

A third reason parents provoke their children to wrath is BY HARSH AND CRUEL EMOTIONAL TREATMENT. Most parents would not think of abusing their children physically, but what about emotionally. Some parents humiliate their children by making fun of them or putting them down. They get enough of this from their peers. The home is a "refueling station" where their ego and self-esteem need bolstering. For every put down a child gets, he must be praised 100 times to make up for it. The Bible says to "nurture" children. Be positive!

INCONSISTENT DISCIPLINE is a fourth reason we have frustrated children. How can anyone live a stable life when the rules keep changing? Children can not feel secure when rules are not enforced consistently.

Fifth, UNDISCIPLINED PARENTS will produce undisciplined children. Discipline is designed to build character in the child, not to show how bad our character is. Laziness, anger, and negative words from parents will only bring failure in children. Parents must control their anger and their tongue, take time for discipline and to listen, and not expect a higher standard from their children than from themselves. For example, you cannot consistently teach a 'just say no' policy to drugs when alcohol is a part of your lifestyle.

Sixth, by NOT BEING UNITED IN DISCIPLINE parents provide an unstable environment where children play one parent against another. One parent who is "tough" and one who is a "push over" will not equalize each other. It will only lead to chaos.

An act of a child which mars his character is incomparable to one which simply disturbs a parent's convenience and leisure. Therefore, the seventh reason parents provoke their children to wrath is BY NOT MAKING THE PUNISHMENT FIT THE CRIME. Parents need wisdom to discern between open rebellion and a mere mistake; between genuine repentance and simply sorrow over getting caught.

Eighth, a sure way to bring a child to despair is to SHOW FAVORITISM. Parents must take conscious action to display a spirit of justice and fairness and constantly examine themselves to avoid it. Yet, be aware that children will always be quick to accuse you of partiality even though you are without guilt.

Ninth, one sure way to bring anger and destruction to a child is to give them too much. OVER INDULGENCE will not build patience, gratitude, or self-discipline in a child. God realized the great danger of Israel prospering too much (Deut 6:10-12). Too many parents express a goal by saying, "my child is going to have all the things I did not have". By giving them too much, they rob their child of self-discipline, a proper appreciation of the value of things, and self-esteem. Self-esteem is not a function of how much we have, but is a function of nurturing the gifts that lie within.

The tenth reason we can frustrate our children is BY SUPPRESSING AND OVERPROTECTING. A parent's task is to nurture a child from complete dependence to a place of relative independence. A bird that stays in the nest will never fly. Children must not learn that our favorite word is "no". We must trust them when they have proven themselves, and if they fail we must avoid rescuing them from inevitable consequences. We must not separate behavior from its consequences.

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News
After much thought, Ingrid Huddleston realized she had not been baptized for the correct reason. She was only 10-11 years old when she was baptized the first time, and as happened to many others at such a young age, she was baptized to please her parents. Monday night of last week she confessed her faith and was baptized in the name of Jesus Christ like those in Acts 19:1-5 . . . Lynn Michaels' father had to be taken to Methodist Hospital last week . . . Toni Huehnerfuss' mother is scheduled for surgery on Tuesday . . . The biopsy on Sandra Bernard showed no malignancy . . . Betty Yocum's mother fell and was taken to the hospital. Betty's brother had triple bypass surgery . . . Steve and Pat Fontenot are in Huntsville for a gospel meeting this week. Kris Emerson will teach the Sunday morning auditorium class. Rocky Rodriguez will preach this morning and David Osteen this evening . . . Wednesday morning class will meet as usual. Would you like to better prepare yourself to teach others the plan of salvation? Come study with us on Wednesday mornings. We usually have about fifteen people and meet for about one hour, from 10 A.M.-11 A.M. . . . GOSPEL MEETINGS: April 3-7, White Park, Anahuac, different speakers each evening. See announcement in foyer . . . April 2-5, Sunday-Wednesday, Southside 4110 Preston Ave., Pasadena, Oliver Murray . . . April 2-7, Fry Road, Hal Hammons and Michael McLemore. Singing, April 2, 2 P.M. . . . A new financial report was made available last Wednesday. You can pick one up in the foyer . . . Visitation group four, which met last Sunday evening for the first time, were encouraged to see how willing all were to participate in calling and writing letters to show concern for fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Group one will meet this Sunday after evening assembly.


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Wednesday Evening Close
Apr. 5 Mike Head
Apr. 12 Matthew Hodges
Apr. 19 John Knudsen
Apr. 26 Mark Laburt

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Can we teach the gospel and not conflict with people's beliefs? Can we not just "preach the gospel and let people alone"? It is IMPOSSIBLE. This is clearly demonstrated by an examination of John 3:16, sometimes called "The Golden Text of the Bible." But is is also "God's Expose!" That is, it exposes the error of a number of religious philosophies. This was the topic of the sermon last Sunday evening, March 26. If interested, you can acquire a tape from John Whitehead and/or you can download an outline of the lesson at the church's web site: http://www.kingwoodcable.com/colblip/humblechurchofchrist/

The outline also has some supporting quotes (as endnotes) relative to fatalism, premillennialism, and Calvinistic predestination.

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Jim Hodges' email address is jimhodges@hotmail.com. He might enjoy hearing from someone back home...

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Transportation for Zelma Bobbitt APRIL
Sun. 2 pm Jim Crain
Wed. 5 pm Michael Gove
Sun. 9 pm W. L. Ottersbach
Wed. 12 pm Jim Porterfield
Sun. 16 pm
Wed. 19 pm
Sun. 23 pm
Wed. 26 pm Rocky Rodriguez
Sun. 30 pm Rice

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SCHEDULED TO SERVE
Wednesday April 5
Song Leader: Jim Crain
Close: Mike Head

Sunday AM, April 9
Announcements: Boyd Hurst
Song Leader: Dwight Osteen
First Prayer: Kris Emerson
Lord's Table
Bread: Tod Aldridge
Fruit of the Vine: Fred Ferguson
Contribution: Michael Gove
Assistant: Mark Hargrove
Preaching: Steve Fontenot
Closing Prayer: Bill Faulkner

Sunday PM, April 9
Song Leader: Rob McCaskill
First Prayer: Mike Head
Lord's Table
Bread: Tod Aldridge
Fruit of the Vine: Fred Ferguson
Contribution: Michael Gove
Preaching: Steve Fontenot
Closing Prayer: Matthew Hodges
If you are a scheduled song leader but know you will be unavailable, please notify Jim Crain. If you are scheduled to serve in any other capacity but cannot serve as scheduled, please notify Boyd Hurst.


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